At the Close of a Chapter

I have to say it has been far too long since I have posted on the blog. It has been quite the whirlwind though—you know this whole crazy-college thing. At the moment, I’m on the floor putting this post together as a mixture of Jake Owen, Jason Aldean, David Archuleta, Jesse McCartney, Jordan Sparks and Michael Buble take turns singing in the background. I’ve had a day full of finals and moving. I really don’t care for moving. But, this morning I showered, and threw on work-out pants, a BYU t-shirt, and my Dickies Hunter’s orange hat. It was one of those days you tell yourself that moving won’t take long at all……but it does, and it feels like it never ends. I have to say though, that when I walked into my new apartment, I just knew, that this—this chapter, this exact apartment—is it. I am right where I belong.

Packing made me go through everything, and while doing so, I came across a letter I had started to write the third week of school. It was a letter to myself, but I put the clothes and books down for a minute to read it. There was a part in it that made me step back and really reflect on everything I’ve learned this semester. It went something like this:

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Hey you!

     Boy, has life been crazy—we’re on week 3 of the whole college thing, and I’m here in Provo, Utah at BYU. I wish I could say that it’s been this perfect, exciting, new adventure: Not exactly, but it really is a whole new chapter of life.

     (In the Cougar-eat) At the current moment, I just finished cleaning up an almost-full Jamba Juice off the table and floor, that I successfully bumped over the moment before I found myself scrubbing everything down. My only option right now is to laugh—I have to remember that life is too short to not at least chuckle that my hands are a bit pink from the pomegranate whatever-it-was…

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I go on to talk about more serious and personal stuff that had been particularly hard, but it took me back a little when I read it because it made me realize how far I have come—how much I have learned about myself, people, and all the trials (like every college student endures) that I have overcome.  I also realized I need to not be as hard on myself—I think sometimes we don’t realize how big our trials are until we have passed them, and we just happen to glance back at that time, and it catches you by surprise.  I don’t mean dwelling on the past, but glancing back at a journal or talking to a friend.

The other thing that I found today, really messed with my head for a moment, but it just reminded me how He has an incredible plan. Honestly, I don’t even know why this was in my stuff. It was in the bottom of a random tote.

Somehow there it was—my acceptance letter from BYU Hawaii. In all honesty the last time I thought about that school was back when I posted about it—needless to say it kind of shook me up a bit. Being a semester into my studies, it is far easier to look back and see why I needed to turn this corner, or take that road. And I will forever be grateful that God cares enough to take me down those paths that I don’t understand, because he has something even better just waiting for me if I will simply be patient.

Over the last week, I have literally mapped out the last six months in my journal ( I mean I mapped it out like a football-play)  and just sat there in awe at how perfectly inspired it is. I’ve got tiny steps, lots of turns and sharp corners, and even a U-turn or two. But even the detours amaze me, because I learned all of the lessons in the best possible way that I could—He knows me better than I know myself.

I still have more packing tonight, and moving in the morning, along with my last final, but the semester is practically over, and by noon I will be on the road with my sights set on home. So, looking back, here is the countdown of the 10 biggest lessons I have learned:

10. When in doubt, just talk. I have had some of the best conversations with total strangers on campus or on my way home, and by the time you say goodbye, you are amazed how amazing that person is. I have yet to bump into someone who has refused to answer a simple question. “Are you done with classes for the day? What class are you headed to? I love your shoes!” (You think I’m kidding….;) )

9. It is a lovely thing to be a lady—and it may take a while, but the gentlemen will find you, and respect you for all you are.  I was out scraping my car off and a guy looks me over then walks past me, then a friend of mine across the parking lot, stops what he’s doing, walks over to my car,  wipes all of my windows off, smiles, says that he hopes I can see a little better now, and walks away. He made my week that day! Really, when you stay who you are, and (ladies…) be the woman and encompass everything it means to be her. Pretty soon, only the true gentlemen are left standing it is never worth compromising on being true to yourself and divine nature.

8. You have to laugh at the funny parts of life, or your trials will consume you. I have been on both sides this semester, and I most definitely have enjoyed laughing. Let me add, that the best friend is the one who will listen if you need it, let you listen when they need it, and knows you well enough to make you laugh herd enough to forget all of your worries, if just for a split-second.

7. You are not defined by the number of dates you go on. No truly, dates are time, and you have to decide who is precious enough to use up something that you’re only given so much of—your own time. My uncle told me something that truly opened my eyes—some people date just to date because it is something to do, and others date to get to know people, and because they are genuinely interested and want to find their companion. I am not saying there is anything wrong with either, but it definitely makes me think more deeply about what is truly worth your time. Disclaimer: I am not saying spending time with people is pointless--I am actually one of the biggest advocates of enjoying real time with people.

6. “Boyfriends are meant to be dumped.” (I quote a guy-friend of mine.)I had the chance of getting to know this amazing guy, who also opened my eyes so much—I’ll admit, coming from a high school where dating wasn’t really an option, I was scared to death coming to BYU and having friends tell me that I would be engaged this fall. Pretty much, he showed/told me (without actually dating me) what relationships actually look like, and how you are never stuck. ( He wasn’t talking about walking away from commitment…he meant to not be scared of leaving something if you know it isn’t right. He taught me that Boyfriends are meant to be dumped. I haven’t had to use that motto yet, but thank you. J

5. You find what you are looking for in life. (or will find, if you keep looking ;) )

4. The mirror can be your empowering advocate, or the most critical thing in the world. It takes courage to look in the mirror in the morning, look yourself in the eye—looking at ourselves inside and out—and say that this girl (or guy if you are a gentleman….) will change the world even if it just her own, and nothing will stand in her way because she is beautifully incredible and more powerful than the world will ever realize. Don’t believe me? Just watch me!!

3. This life is designed to shape us into our divine potentials, but we have to be willing to let it. We have to trust in timing and trials.

2. It is ok for Ms. Independent to ask for help. I found myself checking the oil in my car, and had no clue where the coolant was, which I needed to check too, because that light kept flashing as well. So, after trying to just figure it out, I finally asked someone, and pretty soon I was off to the store to grab oil, but yes, I did put it in, myself. J

1. This is a hard one to do—to think of the greatest lesson I have learned over this semester.

It would be that I can be anything I want to be, and no matter what the world says or maybe even just thinks, they don’t deserve to alter who I am. I don’t care how similar someone may be to me, they will never be me. Just as I will never be them—no one else in the world can take my or your place.

Well it was wonderful to stop for a moment, but I have packing, cleaning, and a final that I need to acknowledge now, so until next time,

Love you,

Tayler 

Echoes of Laughter

Last Sunday was amazing. I had people over, and my apartment was filled with laughter and Settlers of Catan till midnight. We had all attended church, then I decided to put together a big pot of chicken noodle soup--like real, chicken noodle soup. After I changed out of my church clothes, I put a chicken on to boil with onions, garlic, and celery. The apartment smelled AMAZING. People would pop in and out to see a roommate or two and as soon as they would open the door, their eyes would get huge, and they'd go "Oh my goodness, it smells soooooo good in here!!" I had to chuckle every time, because they were right, and it smelled like home.
After a while a few friends came over and started making rolls. Let me back up for a minute: I had invited one of the guys' apartments over, and they had offered to make rolls. Like, HOME MADE rolls. My mind was to say the least, blown. Any guy who offers to make rolls is welcome anytime! :)
So, he and another friend got started on that while I finished up taking all the meat off the chicken. After a while I had to run off to choir practice and leave them at the apartment. I came back and my brother had just gotten there with one of the other guys, so the three of us headed to my house. The soup had been finished and the rolls were in the oven. I turned on the stove (not thinking, on "high") and turned to start talking to my brother about school. After cleaning things up and talking to people, a friend went to turn the soup and informs me that the bottom burned completely.
Oh boy.
I quickly put it into another pot, hoping to leave the burned remains on the bottom, and I tasted it to see how bad it had burned.

Let's just say that it tasted like there was more smoke in that one pot of soup than in an entire forest fire. It went down the garbage disposal.
A friend asked if we wanted to do spaghetti, so she grabbed some sauce, I threw on some pasta, and in 20 minutes we were sitting down to spaghetti, and rolls that had just come out of the oven. :)
I asked one of the gentlemen to offer a blessing on the food, and then we dug in.
There were times you didn't even want to take a bite in fear that at that instant one of the guys would say something hilarious, and you would have to refrain from spraying pasta all over everyone else! I can't remember the last time I had entertained, or the last time the walls of the apartment could hear endless laughter. It felt so good.

Finally, we finished up, and I threw together a pot of homemade hot chocolate, whipped up some whipping cream, and mixed up topping. Because I had never played settlers of Catan in my entire life, that is what we then played--I served up hot chocolate while they were getting it set up.
At least I didn't burn the cocoa. :)

The game and conversations went on until midnight, and then even though I protested, two friends jumped in on the dishes. I am blessed with amazing friends. Eventually everyone went home, and the apartment was completely quiet. I got ready for bed and finally hit the hay.

The next morning something was different--the apartment didn't feel like it usually does. I'm usually the first one up, and it isn't creepy, but very empty. You would hardly think anyone even lived there some days. Not last Monday though--there was this warm, cozy feeling to the whole apartment. The temperature was the same, but there was an incredible spirit there. It was almost like the echoes of yesterday's laughter still hung in the air, and if the walls could, they were smiling.
Really, that special warmth is the spirit. With all of those strong, righteous, people within those walls, we had invited the spirit to join us. Above all, there were two worthy priesthood holders with us, and you can't help but feel that power and strength that they posses. The priesthood truly is His power on the earth, and as a latter-day saint sister, I am blessed to have that power and strength all around me.
What's even more remarkable to think about, is that if I or anyone needed something, you could count of them--They are worthy to give blessings and their spirits invite the spirit. You can't really describe what it feels like to be around that power, but I promise that it is real, and there is nothing in this earthly world that can come anywhere close.

So, with Christmas coming, I would hope that we would all set aside time to enjoy one another's company, and really stop to laugh--believe me, it feels pretty amazing.

Lots of Love,

Tayler

Confessions of a Pre-Dietetics Major

1. Counting Calories makes me angry--I refuse to do it. I am not bashing the science behind our body fuel, but calories need to stay in the clinics, labs, and on cereal boxes. It's okay when you are trying to get the mental picture of portions down, but measuring cups and handfuls are far more effective ways of judging your food. If you begin counting and specifically stressing about the amount it takes to raise a gram of water one degree Celsius, you will develop far more problems than you will ever solve by keeping track of everything.
2. Do I own a scale? No. I actually have no clue how much I weigh right now...of course I have a ballpark, but it kind of goes along with #1, in that if I weighed myself every day, I would lose my mind with even the least bit of fluctuation of numbers. Again, scales are a great thing, but please don't step on them every day.
3. I use a tape measure to keep track of "size" as opposed to weight. I actually do look at numbers every so often, but I use a tailor's (you have to at least smile at that one..... : )  ) tape measure to keep track of my hips, waist, etc. These numbers give you are far more accurate and specific gauge at where you are at and what you could work on.
4. I am not in amazing shape--setting aside time to exercise is something I am not good at at all. That is one of my goals for next semester, and I am blessed with amazing friends who are willing to take this on with me. Note: You can eat extremely healthy 24/7, but exercise is a physical and mental necessity, and food will work for you more, if you are also working your body!!!
5. I use more sugar as body and face scrub than in my cooking. White granulated sugar is the secret to super-soft skin. :) I am willing to bet I'm up there on the list of softest lips, thanks to buffing them with sugar! This doesn't mean I do not consume sugar--I do, but I try to only eat things with sugar if they actually sound good, and not just because it's there. By telling yourself you can't have any sugar, just keeps that 5-letter-word in the front of your brain, and it's harder to avoid it. However, I can't say I haven't had too much ice cream, oatmeal cookies and pie in my lifetime.
6. If I do not set water bottles out in my apartment, I will forget to drink water. I'm serious, literally forget. It isn't extremely earth-friendly, but I buy a case of water bottles a week--a different brand than my roommates so I can tell them apart--and try to go through 4 a day. Depending on what I'm doing, it may be more, but staying hydrated is a huge factor in being your best self. Water does wonders, and you can't afford missing it.
7. I do love to cook, but I am not the next iron-chef. I love keeping recipes fresh and healthy, but comfort foods have lots of nutrients too. (ok, chocolate cake won't get you too far.....but chicken noodle soup is like miracle grow for kids! :) ) I've collected so many cookbooks that the rule is to try something out of them every week.
8. I listen to music if I'm cooking. If I'm creating, then it is anything from classy country to Boyce Avenue, but if I'm doing dishes, it's jazz--hands down.
9. I love doing dishes...if I'm with good company. The best conversations are over dishes with your hands in warm, soapy water. Before you know it, the dishes are done, but you're still standing there talking.
10. Is my boyfriend the best cook in the world? Can you repeat the question?
Guys that can can cook are yes, that much more handsome. :) I guess I have to rephrase that--It is amazing, and so much fun when a guy knows how to cook, but just being my right hand man in the kitchen sends my heart spinning.

11. Lucky number 11, so this one's got to be good.....hmmmmm

Yes, this is a bell pepper :) And I am eating it like an apple at the moment. 

I was reading an amazing food book in high school, and the author said that she eats bell peppers like apples for a super-quick and awesome snack.......I've been hooked ever since!
12. I believe in midnight snacks--When a girl's craving mashed potatoes--I mean real mashed potatoes, not that instant stuff--she's got to go for it. Go big or go home! No really, don't they look divine?!

13. Yes, that is butter, but I am a big olive-oil person. I love how the bottle looks like wine, and people always have a heart-attack if they look in the cupboard. :) Oh BYU. 

14. I only brought 15 cookbooks, and have only bought two more since I've been at school.
15. Movies and Popcorn are a match made in heaven!! But, I'm a "smart-pop" girl. (Knowing how the extra stuff processes through your body is sometimes enough of a deterrent to not eat movie theater popcorn--but sometimes it still tastes good.)
16. I have yet to eat pizza while at college......how I have managed to do that, I have no idea!! Believe me though, I am going to have to do it some time soon--it sounds like something to celebrate with after finals.
17. In a perfect world, I would start my day with a green smoothie no matter what. My stomach is sometimes kind of a wuss, and Greek yogurt is my friend--yet I can't stand the smell or texture of it--so it goes in a smoothie.
18. I can't stomach avocados--the texture freaks me out
19. Food is the way to a man's heart, but picnics are the way to a woman's. This includes packed meals in general. I know the song goes "brown paper packages, tied up with strings" but brown bag lunches are one of my favorite things. :)
20. I do have a scar on my pinky-finger from a battle with a cheese grater. No pain, no gain. (I don't necessarily believe that.....)
21. My roommates tease me for taking photos of my food, but I still can't resist.

22. I have never had Pepsi or coffee in my life.......I scare people with that fun fact.
23. I am vitamin D deficient, and ironically my lack of sunshine has caused my foreign roommates to make the decision that I'm the color of Taiwanese cellophane noodles......very funny. :) (As they fished them out of the pot, they kept--talking to the noodles--saying "come here Tayler." You think I'm kidding!
24. Ice-water isn't ice-water unless you are drinking it out of a Mason jar.  And you all know this already, but everything tastes better in a mug. :)


21. On a more serious note, my last confession is a follows: 

Obviously I am a student right now, and along with 30,000 other BYU students, trying to get good grades, get into my major, and grow spiritually at the same time. It is very stressful, and there are most definitely nights where you wonder how you are going to accomplish everything you need to, the next day. I had one of those nights last week.
I had gotten home from classes and had been out later. I could feel a tension headache coming on, just like the one that had kept me up the night before, and I was beyond frustrated. Really?!?! Two nights in a row?? After talking to my mom for a few minutes on the phone, she reminded me that I could go jump in the hot-tub. Perfect! 10 minutes and it should get rid of this headache and I would be able to then study for my nutrition exam the following day. I called a few friends but they were all busy. (Going to the hot tub by yourself, at night, is not the smartest thing to do.) After a while, I decided to just go anyway. As soon as I get there I notice an awkward couple really enjoying themselves, and the hot tub was no longer an option. So, grumpily, I walk back to my apartment in my flip flops and swimsuit, while it happens to be below zero. I put my pajamas on, and start going after my nutrition homework. I felt like I was going to throw up--my head hurt so bad. I get up and stretch, then drink more water, then do more homework. Finally, I finished the online quiz and went into the living room to read through the material I was to be tested on the next day. I sat there for a minute with my book in my lap. I thought, why an I even here? Why was this semester so hard and so crazy?!  I'm sorry this is super personal: I honestly had yet to cry about a lot of things that have happened--a lot of things that would maybe make sense to cry about (if that makes any sense) and tons of stress that I didn't want to admit was and is extremely real. I just sat there worried and overwhelmed.....my grades.....my plan.....my life....my future....my health......for a split second it felt like the world was ending, and I started questioning why I picked my major, and dwelling on how terrible of a student I am, and the fact that I felt and looked like a failure. Finally, I opened my book, because let's face it, I was not ready at all for my test the next day. I began to start skimming and trying to hit the key points then move on--I desperately needed to do better on that test.
But this stopped me in my tracks:

I just stared at the page. A massive tear rolled down my cheek and my heart ripped in half. Who cares about calories? We don't even know the number of people who want enough food to just be able to wake up and tell their children good morning. That little girl is someone's daughter, and they couldn't do anything about the fact that she was about to die. Here I am sitting trying to just learn the information to do well on an exam and ensure I am qualified for a future job, while people are starving, and I'm reading off their statistics. I honestly sat there and just cried in my living room with the text opened to this page wondering why on earth I am doing this--studying dietetics.
Someday I will be working in a hospital or a clinic teaching people how to eat better to better their lives, while others are losing them because they have nothing.
The last week or two I've looked in the mirror and thought, wow, I need to watch what I eat, and I need to work out this part, and try to drop some here. There are parents out there who look at their children and wonder what they would be like if they were healthy and strong.
How do celebrities have dietitians at their fingertips, while children are starving. I guess it is the age-old question; how can it be? How is it fair? And the answer is it is not.
What killed me is that I was studying all of these disorders and deficiencies as facts and sitting here thinking my life is going to end because I needed to memorize all of it--the reasons people are dying.
Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing major, and will be able to do great things--life-changing things--with it. However, never has it hit me as strongly that I may be learning to count calories, and what happens to people in other countries (and even our own) when basic needs aren't met, but this, this photo, is really happening. What shook me was the photo on the right. That little girl is beautiful, and strong, and what every child in this world should look like, but that vision is a reality that will probably never be achieved.
At the end of the day, yes, I need to study harder, and a degree gives me the tools to help people, but why am I wasting time worrying about points and a test, while people are starving.
I finally closed my book, brushed my teeth, turned off the light, and after saying my prayers, I got into bed. More tears came as I thought about how cold it was outside, and how warm I was under my sheets. There have been few times in my life when my heart has truly ached as it did that night. I went to bed numb.

Now that I have had some time to really ponder it, it actually makes me feel more confident in my decision to study dietetics. I will have the knowledge to help children like that little girl. I have been blessed with the opportunity to come and learn at BYU, and that knowledge will give me the tools i need to go and be an instrument in the lives of others. Great blessings come with great responsibilities. What does your bright future hold?

Love, Tayler

What a Beautiful Day!

I was thinking a lot about how we all have the same amount of time within a day, but how we spend it determines what our life will look like. As you can see it is rather cold and snowy day, but it is absolutely beautiful!! I am serious, today is going to be a good day. It will be overflowing with studying, but that is a very good thing too.
In a few hours I get to see a friend off at the MTC. And she will head off to take on her mission for 18 months in New York, New York. I am SOOOOOO excited for her!!

If you think about it though, how crazy is that, that she like a billion other 18-21 year-olds set aside that much time, to go and teach the gospel! Why? Well, I haven't gone myself so I have to watch what I say, but the reason for sacrificing time to something--anything in life--is because it is worth it. I've decided that when I look back on my life, I want to say, yes, I lived. When I say I've lived I mean that I have helped others, grown closer to my savior, grown up, and enjoyed the little things in life; I've actually stopped to smell the roses. (or hot chocolate--it smells pretty good too)
About a month ago, I made an "actually living" list, or recipe for stopping and enjoying life, beyond just enduring. It looked a little like this:
(they aren't in any specific order)

Every Day:
1. Run, dance, or do yoga
2. Give a compliment
3. Smile
4. Scripture Study
5. Stretch
6. Sit and read for 15 minutes
7. Drink WATER!

Once a Week:
1. Try a new recipe
2. Go Hot tubing with friends
3. Write a letter
4. Get the camera out
5. Go to the temple
6. I would now have to include blogging...
7. Get the Guitar and Ukulele out
8. Paint my toenails

All-in-all, I haven't been doing an incredible job at following it, but I have noticed that just by having it, I set aside time to enjoy the moments.

This Monday, I picked a cookbook and made a new recipe: Shepherd's Pie with Butternut Squash.(150 Healthiest Comfort Foods) I have to say, for a first run, and a random pick, it was pretty good, and I now have three more dinners in the freezer. :)

I've also been stopping to read( not every day, but pretty often) and jump between the few books above. I have to stick my name in them because people borrow them and I have to track it down!!

I'm really bad at working out every day, but I do trek it to my classes, and for the last 48 hours it has been in the snow.

That would be my jeans hanging over the shower curtain rod so they can dry. You can't see it, but they were soaked 6-8 inches up the pant leg.....you better believe I threw on some sweats, and clean socks when I got home! :) BBRRRRRRR!!!!

Well, pretty much, I've been trying to hit everything, but ironically life gets in the way. But, at the end of the day (at least today) I have toenails that were painted red today, I will have read my scriptures, smiled, drank plenty of water :), written a letter, a put up this blog post. So, I guess I'm on my way. :)

Before you go, here's today's yellow note from my front door:

And as we wrap it all up, here are two soundtracks that have been today's background music in Tayler's world, Love Ya!!
Tayler

He Needs You to Know

When I checked my Facebook this morning, the first thing on my news feed was this:

The other night I was reading in Doctrine and Covenants 122. The following passages really stood out to me:

http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/122?lang=eng  (Verses 5-9 specifically)

If that doesn't take you to it, here are the verses:

5 "If thou art called to pass through ^atribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in ^bperils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea;

 6 If thou art ^aaccused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to ^bprison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like ^cwolves for the blood of the lamb;

 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.

 8 The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

 9 Therefore, ^ahold on thy way, and the priesthood shall ^bremain with thee; for their ^cbounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy ^ddays are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore,^efear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

We all have trials, but we each have very specific and personal ones. Think of one, and where the words all these things are, put your specific trial in, and read it again. 

It may not seem like it, and I am trying to convince myself every day of the truth in it, but all of the trials we will face, are conquerable, and will shape us into the people heavenly Father sees as our potential. Many trials seem impossible to overcome--major illnesses, a death, those things that are irreversible. How is it then, that we can conquer these mountains when there are essentially permanent, and life will forever be changed? 

To conquer or overcome (I do and don't like using the word conquer because it means to gain control of, which after we do all we can, we have to put it in His hands, but essentially, we have to take control of and face the trial as well.) Means to essentially, grow from it, and continue growing closer to Him through it. There are so many other aspects to it as well, but in the big picture, that is the gist. 

This is the angle I would like to show you tonight though--as humans we are often very critical, specifically with ourselves. We need to look at our Heavenly Father and Savior's definition of overcoming and facing our trials. 

 “Many of the lessons we are to learn in mortality can only be received through the things we experience and sometimes suffer. And God expects and trusts us to face temporary mortal adversity with His help so we can learn what we need to learn and ultimately become what we are to become in eternity.” Elder David A. Bednar (A member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)

Conquering our trials may often be simply getting out of bed, and putting a smile on your face. Especially when life is at its darkest, often all He asks of us is to keep moving, keep trying, and trust. I find the latter often the hardest, because when you're looking at life as if on paper, the numbers often simply don't add up, and it all seems impossible. But, somehow, I can honestly say that when He puts or lets those trials into our lives, he always, always, always, without fail, prepares a way for us. That way may be a smiling face that says hello tomorrow, or that scripture that jumps off the page, and touches your heart, but no matter what, there is a way. 

I think this says it perfectly:

To wrap things up, I wish I could know each of your specific needs and meet all of you with a smile tomorrow, or a yellow sticky-note (for the last week, I've been putting a new quote on the front door each day with a quote, and if you know me pretty well, you know that if you get a note on a yellow piece of paper, it was probably me.)but I will probably bump into a few of you, if that who are reading this post. But still, if you don't hear it from anyone else tomorrow, I need you to know that I know you are destined for greatness. You were chosen to be on the earth at this time, and you are needed right now, more than ever. Remember, that He tries those He loves, and he sees more in you than you can ever possibly see. However, please try to see it. It will not come instantly, but as you begin to let your heart try to know, you will begin to notice that how you see and feel about yourself will come more in line with how our Heavenly Father and Savior feel about and see in, us. We are divine beings, living among others who are learning and growing in mortality just like us. 

We can't rescue all, but we can be that person that rescues the one. If you are that one, don't lose hope. Hope is a funny thing, because the world can take everything of this earth from us, but it can never take our hope. 

I hope I can bump into you tomorrow, but if it doesn't happen, know that you are in my prayers. I have no idea what you're going though but He does, and He never left. He is right there, with you.

He loves you, and I love you, and with that, 

Goodnight,

Tayler

(On my way back to school, in Idaho)

Homeward Bound!!

You heard right! This crazy BYU cougar is going H<3ME!!! (at least for thanksgiving)

After some pretty stressful weeks of school, I am more than ready to go home for a few days.

There have definitely been some high and low points, and even some humorous spots as well.

Today's Highlights:

1. I bought long socks today :) Nothing like warm toes.

2. The maintenance guys were fixing the heater when I got home, so I have a very warm apartment now, and while we waited to make sure it worked, we had a lovely visit. Because they were practically over every other day at my old apartment, I try not to laugh when I find them in my apartment, and it's so normal just to say hi, chat a bit, and then have what ever was broken, all fixed up. They are sooo amazing, and always willing to come if I need anything at all. I'm pretty spoiled :) 

3. When I went to get my socks, I was sitting at a light--more like dancing at the light--singing along with the radio. I just happened to look in my rear-view mirror, and to my surprise, horror, or whatever my reation should have been, I found the couple kissing.......and kissing.......and kissing.....while they were waiting for the light to turn. Texting and driving is.....illegal. Drinking and driving is....illegal. Kissing and driving.........(should be) VERY ILLEGAL. As a friend put it today, it's driving under the influence.

4. Dad and I went the The Wall and watched half of the BYU Basketball game, and had an awesome dinner. It's pretty funny when most people in there are on a date, and you are too--except it's a daddy-daughter date. That's like a double-score for Dad; he doesn't have to worry about me being out with a boy, and he gets time with me!!

5. Today is usually one of my temple-days, but the Provo temple is under renovations, so I thought I would still go up to the grounds, and maybe even catch a sunset in the process. Here you are! (for some reason, everything is a little washed out...but you can still see them)

Today was a pretty good day! I am very grateful for all of my many blessings. 

It's not that I don't enjoy those nights when one roommate is skyping with her fiance in Chinese, while the other is on the phone talking to her boyfriend in Spanish, and the third is with her boyfriend (in person, and only speaking English) on the couch in the living room.....(which by process of elimination only leaves the bathroom quiet) but I'm ready to go home, most definitely. 

So, in less than 24 hours I will be home :)

Lots of Love, 

Tayler

P.S.

To-Do's while home:

1. Laugh long and hard with my family

2. Sit and just talk (my cat included)

3. Catch a sunset in the back of my brother's truck with him and two cups of hot chocolate

4. Count stars till I'm practically frozen (It is amazing that I have as many blessings as there are stars in the sky!)

5. Enjoy sleeping in a double bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. Take lots of pictures

My New Love

I have had a wonderful whirl-wind weekend! It was filled with the BYU Synthesis concert--which was absolutely beyond incredible--guitar and ukulele, church meetings, roommate rewrites of songs, a thanksgiving family dinner, and country dancing.

Let me start it off with the fact that every time I moved my arms today, my shoulders were sort-of grumpy. All day, I was wondering,"what on earth could I have done to my shoulders?" Then about an hour ago, it was like BAM!! I remembered that I went country dancing with guys who are incredibly skilled at leading, and I was spinning and dipping and whirling through moves I didn't even know were possible.  Let's just say that I could feel it today.
But in regards to dancing, I had the time of my life! I was in my long jeans and cowboy boots as the guys sent me whirling this way, then spun me that way--it was one of the greatest feelings in the world.
I definitely haven't danced much, at least it has been a very long time, but they were pretty patient and didn't let me apologize for not knowing exactly how to do everything. Quite frankly I can't tell you specific steps or moves that we did, but all I know is we danced, and we were flying across the floor!
I have to say one of my favorite parts was that all that was played was country music--good, country music--and half the people in there (myself included) were wearing their boots! At one point, I stood looking out over all of the people paired up on the wood floor, as they all danced differently, focused only on their partner, it was as if none of them had a care in the world. They pretty much dropped all of their worries at the door. I definitely needed that too.

I really need to just go to bed, but long-story-short, I think I fell in love this weekend, and he goes by the name of country swing.

Goodnight, and lots of love,
Tayler
(This is what was playing when we all walked in :) )

And these are just two of my favorites:

I danced this one with a Texan who told me (after I apologized for not being the best dancer) to never apologize for something like dancing, and that people "up-here" apologize way too much! :) 

Right Where I Belong

I've been doing a lot of thinking today.
I haven't been in a bad mood, but more of a frustrated one. College is quite the roller-coaster at times. I was thinking a lot though about how life looks nothing like I had imagined it would at 19 years old. I am grateful everyday that it looks the way it does, but it is most definitely different. I was walking home today, and of course, my hands were freezing. Actually, I have Raynaud's syndrome--nothing life-threatening or dangerous--so pretty much my blood doesn't circulate super well, and my hands and feet get super cold. Long story short, it isn't comfortable when it turns into winter. So, as I was walking home, hands in my pockets, I thought about Hawaii. It actually isn't as random as you think, because you see, the original plan was wrapped around going to BYU Hawaii for school. I obviously switched to Provo.
This was back in January of this year.

Needless to say, I can't recall a time in my life that I was more excited. I know that a family event or something much more meaningful should be at the top of my list, but the day I got the acceptance e-mail (I screamed when I opened it....and if you know me that is kind of a once-in-a-lifetime) I was the happiest I have ever been in my life. We're talking cloud nine to the ninth power. High school was nearing the end, and Hawaii was the next chapter. It was perfect!! I came across this picture, and it almost hurt seeing it because I had wanted to go to that school so bad, and could hardly wait. However, after a few days of my heart racing 24/7, something didn't feel right. I don't mean physically, as in my body, but more like something wasn't sitting right in my whole plan for life.
Then i was accepted to THE Y. I opened that e-mail and thought, hmm, that's cool I made it in. And that was it. Still I felt like something wasn't quite right in my life and it drove me absolutely nuts;I was working hard, and doing everything I was supposed to. Finally, there was one day at work that I really couldn't concentrate, and I thought, "I have had it! What is on my mind!" So I made a list of the first things off the top of my head. Number one was BYU Hawaii, and I can't even remember the rest of the list because after I wrote down #1, I knew I needed to put a lot of thought into my decision on whether or not to go there.
After a long few weeks of going back and forth, I finally had to make the decision to not attend BYU Hawaii, and instead go to BYU in Provo, Utah. I won't pretend like there weren't many tears when I finally made that decision, or even more when I was having major roommate issues while here at BYU. I found myself wondering why I couldn't have just gone to Hawaii. It is a great school, and a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But I knew the answer, there were things that I needed to learn and do, waiting for me in Provo, Utah.
A little while after, I went through the same process in deciding on whether or not to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am sure that somewhere in all of my brunettes there are a few gray hairs!! At the end of the day, I had that same feeling that I needed to be at BYU. So, here I am, trying to stay afloat with all of my classes and walking home in the rain, quickly losing feeling in my fingers.

I promise this post doesn't end on a dismal note though. :) Actually, it ends on a rather incredible note. A little while back we had a relief society training meeting and two members from the general board came and spoke on loving those around us and service. Towards the end there were microphones passed around, and I mentioned my story, but how it amazes me that our heavenly Father knows us so perfectly, and has missions for us all throughout our lives.
After the conference I went and thanked the two speakers and introduced myself as the girl who had spoken earlier. One of the ladies looked at me and said "Isn't is incredible!? Isn't is marvelous, that you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be?!"
That statement rocked my world. I have always thought about how I didn't get to go to hawaii or serve a mission, and didn't know why I had to be in Utah. I had neglected the most important piece though--That I know, I am exactly where I need to be.
With that, what is there to complain or worry about? I know. What else could I ask for?

So let me take you back to walking home, hands in pockets, icicles for fingers. After feeling so frustrated, I finished walking home, made a grilled-cheese sandwich, and then sat to start my blog post with a cup of hot chocolate, of course.
What was there to complain about? Even my fingers were happily wrapped around a giant mug of hot chocolate.

Now we're caught up to speed, and I am currently sitting at my kitchen table in my sweatshirt (pictured above) that was a hand-me-up from my little brother, contacts are out, glasses are on, and I am very much so content. I just got back from spending some time with my dad for his birthday, and there and back got to jam out to Christmas music with a friend and his sister+her guy.(If that makes any sense...) It was a great way to end the night. 

Tomorrow, well, today......HAPPY FRIDAY!! 

Tomorrow is another temple-day, and I think I'm feeling a friday movie-night. Not sure what it will be, but after a date with my textbooks, I believe a movie sounds pretty good. Or maybe even just a nap....naps are more stellar than movies sometimes.  

Well, I wish you all an incredible Friday, and have a safe weekend. 

P.S. I linked my favorite Christmas song  (except my all time favorite is All I want for Christmas is You, by Michael Buble) to my post because it didn't happen to come on while we were driving. (Promise there are no hints involved) :) 

Love, Tayler

Tomorrow Is a New Day

Well, I had a blog post all typed out, then my internet connection cut and I lost it. Pretty much I talked about how crazy today was and how I ran to the testing center to find that I didn't have my ID, so I ran all the way back home and again to the testing center, just to take a crazy nutrition exam. But, afterwards I was able to go the the BYU vs. Idaho basketball game, and believe me I actually screamed and shouted for the cougars. It was good to temporarily drop the grades at the door, and yell about something other than what I truly wanted to yell about.

In regards to school, I can use all the help I can get, so when I had to go buy shampoo, I thought this was probably my best option:

Anything Helps!

I have to say though, that I am so very blessed. Remember the counting your blessings post/clip?

So instead of sheep here are my blessings:

1. I have a family that truly cares about me

2. I have been blessed with a body that allows me to walk and run and function
3. I was born into a family that lives the gospel
4. I live in America

5. I was accepted to Brigham Young University
6. I live 5 minutes from a temple
7. I am very unique

8. I have a healthy, working, mind
9. I am extremely creative (to the point that I sometimes wish I could just shut it off so I can sleep)

10. I am grateful highschool wasn't easy--I learned a lot

11. My parents make it possible--financially--to attend college
12. If I every needed something, I have several people close by that I could call
13. I may need glasses, but I am in no way, shape, or form, blind
14. Someone thought of hot chocolate
15. No matter what, there is always a sunset. Every day. No exceptions.

16. Someday I get the opportunity to start a family of my own
17. I have a calling as the first counselor in the Relief Society
18. Technology allows us to talk to people far away
19. We have to eat--therefore we have to cook :)

20. Preisthood power is an incredible thing, and I am SO blessed to be surrounded by those worthy to have that sacred responsibility
21. I can laugh. Not just physically as in my vocal folds haven't called it quits, but that every day there is something that makes me giggle. (today it was the brilliant brunette... :)  )
22. Music
23. Singing--it is amazing how we can change our emotions by just singing and letting it out.
24. Internet--this whole blog thing wouldn't work very well without it
25. Cameras!! It is beyond remarkable how we can hold onto memories through photos

26. Mugs--everything tastes better--cereal, rice, soup, mashed potatoes, salad....ect.--in a mug
27. Books--there is so much to learn, and things to realize
28. Hugs. It is beyond crazy what a meaningful, real, hug, from someone you know loves you, can do for your soul
29. Dancing--getting swept off your feet never hurts.
30. Clean sheets that smell like the clothesline. I call it a transporter-smell. If I wouldn't look like a total weirdo at my apartment, I would find a way to hang my sheets out to dry, because there is nothing in this world like the smell of clean sheet off the line. I literally would probably wake up wondering why I wasn't home. Actually, there are days I do that already....

When I stop to count, I have to say that life is pretty amazing, and I am BEYOND blessed. I'm still learning all the ins and outs of dancing in the rain, but I'm getting there.
Good morning, and lots of love,
Tayler