Right Where I Belong

I've been doing a lot of thinking today.
I haven't been in a bad mood, but more of a frustrated one. College is quite the roller-coaster at times. I was thinking a lot though about how life looks nothing like I had imagined it would at 19 years old. I am grateful everyday that it looks the way it does, but it is most definitely different. I was walking home today, and of course, my hands were freezing. Actually, I have Raynaud's syndrome--nothing life-threatening or dangerous--so pretty much my blood doesn't circulate super well, and my hands and feet get super cold. Long story short, it isn't comfortable when it turns into winter. So, as I was walking home, hands in my pockets, I thought about Hawaii. It actually isn't as random as you think, because you see, the original plan was wrapped around going to BYU Hawaii for school. I obviously switched to Provo.
This was back in January of this year.

Needless to say, I can't recall a time in my life that I was more excited. I know that a family event or something much more meaningful should be at the top of my list, but the day I got the acceptance e-mail (I screamed when I opened it....and if you know me that is kind of a once-in-a-lifetime) I was the happiest I have ever been in my life. We're talking cloud nine to the ninth power. High school was nearing the end, and Hawaii was the next chapter. It was perfect!! I came across this picture, and it almost hurt seeing it because I had wanted to go to that school so bad, and could hardly wait. However, after a few days of my heart racing 24/7, something didn't feel right. I don't mean physically, as in my body, but more like something wasn't sitting right in my whole plan for life.
Then i was accepted to THE Y. I opened that e-mail and thought, hmm, that's cool I made it in. And that was it. Still I felt like something wasn't quite right in my life and it drove me absolutely nuts;I was working hard, and doing everything I was supposed to. Finally, there was one day at work that I really couldn't concentrate, and I thought, "I have had it! What is on my mind!" So I made a list of the first things off the top of my head. Number one was BYU Hawaii, and I can't even remember the rest of the list because after I wrote down #1, I knew I needed to put a lot of thought into my decision on whether or not to go there.
After a long few weeks of going back and forth, I finally had to make the decision to not attend BYU Hawaii, and instead go to BYU in Provo, Utah. I won't pretend like there weren't many tears when I finally made that decision, or even more when I was having major roommate issues while here at BYU. I found myself wondering why I couldn't have just gone to Hawaii. It is a great school, and a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But I knew the answer, there were things that I needed to learn and do, waiting for me in Provo, Utah.
A little while after, I went through the same process in deciding on whether or not to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am sure that somewhere in all of my brunettes there are a few gray hairs!! At the end of the day, I had that same feeling that I needed to be at BYU. So, here I am, trying to stay afloat with all of my classes and walking home in the rain, quickly losing feeling in my fingers.

I promise this post doesn't end on a dismal note though. :) Actually, it ends on a rather incredible note. A little while back we had a relief society training meeting and two members from the general board came and spoke on loving those around us and service. Towards the end there were microphones passed around, and I mentioned my story, but how it amazes me that our heavenly Father knows us so perfectly, and has missions for us all throughout our lives.
After the conference I went and thanked the two speakers and introduced myself as the girl who had spoken earlier. One of the ladies looked at me and said "Isn't is incredible!? Isn't is marvelous, that you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be?!"
That statement rocked my world. I have always thought about how I didn't get to go to hawaii or serve a mission, and didn't know why I had to be in Utah. I had neglected the most important piece though--That I know, I am exactly where I need to be.
With that, what is there to complain or worry about? I know. What else could I ask for?

So let me take you back to walking home, hands in pockets, icicles for fingers. After feeling so frustrated, I finished walking home, made a grilled-cheese sandwich, and then sat to start my blog post with a cup of hot chocolate, of course.
What was there to complain about? Even my fingers were happily wrapped around a giant mug of hot chocolate.

Now we're caught up to speed, and I am currently sitting at my kitchen table in my sweatshirt (pictured above) that was a hand-me-up from my little brother, contacts are out, glasses are on, and I am very much so content. I just got back from spending some time with my dad for his birthday, and there and back got to jam out to Christmas music with a friend and his sister+her guy.(If that makes any sense...) It was a great way to end the night. 

Tomorrow, well, today......HAPPY FRIDAY!! 

Tomorrow is another temple-day, and I think I'm feeling a friday movie-night. Not sure what it will be, but after a date with my textbooks, I believe a movie sounds pretty good. Or maybe even just a nap....naps are more stellar than movies sometimes.  

Well, I wish you all an incredible Friday, and have a safe weekend. 

P.S. I linked my favorite Christmas song  (except my all time favorite is All I want for Christmas is You, by Michael Buble) to my post because it didn't happen to come on while we were driving. (Promise there are no hints involved) :) 

Love, Tayler