When You love Her But don't LOVE Her

I have to accredit this blog post to a conversation I had with two very brave and honest guys yesterday. As we sat eating massive Carl's Jr. hamburgers we some how came on the conversation about--I can't recall how exactly--the most important things they've wanted to tell a girl, that are practically if not entirely impossible to say. But what kind of girl? Those incredible women who are everything they want, but the chemistry and spark aren't there. We're talking about those girls that are gorgeous, smart, incredible, and everything that a guys wants, yet not the person they are to spend the rest of their life with. To put it simply, he loves her to the point that he would never want her to settle for someone less than what she deserves--to the point of wanting to tell them to get away from those who don't treat them right--but he doesn't love her as an eternal companion. The chemistry isn't there.

And here are his words:

"There are two things that I've learned this semester, that are absolutely essential to tell a girl. But, these things are impossible to say, and even slightly inappropriate to divulge. The problem is there are girls that are worth telling and that deserve to know, but they’re usually the ones who think this post isn't for them.

The first is letting a girl know that she exemplifies every quality and trait that I would desire in a wife, but I’m not attracted to her. She is worth giving the world up for, but there’s no chemistry. It’s not a matter of beauty or anything superficial; it’s just an absence of a necessary spark. It’s the lack of butterflies when they walk in the room, and the lack of the lightheartedness that makes you feel like you could take on the world. It’s enough even, to keep me up at night wondering why I’m not attracted to her. As a friend put it, “it works out perfectly on paper, but why doesn’t it work practically?” Honestly, I’d like to know. The thing is, you’d like to tell this girl she’s the most amazing person in the world, she’s got nothing but the stars to aim for, and she’s worth every bit of time anyone’s ever given. She’s something special. But how dare a guy tell any girl this if he’s not actually attracted to her, right? It could never be taken in the light it was meant to be given. It’s a shame though, ‘cause they deserve this compliment, and it is a compliment. They deserve to know how special they are, and that people recognize that. And even though I see it all, I’m not the one for you.

The second is telling a girl she should or needs to leave her boyfriend. Hold your laughter, I would never tell a girl what to do. Yet, it just cuts to the core when you see a girl who is completely miserable with the guy she’s with, and won’t do anything about it. I think it boils down to three things.

"First, she’s afraid that outside of this relationship, no one else will love her or care for her like “he” does. Whether it’s the things they do together or just the “way” it is, no one could possibly be like that. I just want every girl to know that’s complete bull-oney. It’s not worth being with a guy who doesn't make you smile or laugh or with a guy who just doesn't make you happy. I’m even going to go as far as saying that if you’re in a relationship just for the physical funsies of the whole thing it’s not worth it.

"Second, she sees a redeeming quality or trait in the guy that covers up everything else that hurts her.  It might even be that she feels that she can change him. I’m not saying that’s not a noble cause, and that people shouldn't see the good in each other. But, when it comes to making yourself completely miserable over one thing it’s not worth it.

"Third, at the end of the day she might feel it’s better to be with a guy than none at all. I get that, it might be that this is the first guy in a while that’s shown genuine interest in you, or maybe just any interest at all. That being said, it doesn't necessarily justify putting up with him if you’re not happy. In fact, this guy might be a really great guy; there might be nothing wrong with him. But if you’re not happy with it, people notice and guys like me would love to tell you to drop it.

"Really the reason it’s hard to say any of this is because I care too much to watch you stay miserable. You deserve to be happy. And I care enough about you to want to tell you exactly how incredible you are. At the end of the day, I would do the exact same thing for my sisters."

Lots of Love,

Tayler and....the gentleman who will not be named, but if you would like his number....we could talk.